Today I am going to add some of my thoughts to this post from Stages of Change: http://stagesofchange.blogspot.com/2009/08/ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.html
In his post he talks about change and never giving up.Here's my favorite part:
"If change is possible, and can even be beautiful, then why haven't I been able to keep the weight off? Well, here's my thought: I changed the outside.
Over, and over, and over, and over.
But, I never changed inside."
First, I agree with his entire post, but this statement above hit home. I am just changing the outside not the inside. So, what happens after all goals are achieved or when "life" strikes again, I revert back to my self-destructive behaviors. I believe the best way to fight these self destructive behaviors is to work on them daily. I have some fantastic books on depression, and they have great procedures to follow for irrational thoughts. It gets old writing that stuff out, but if it keeps me from being depressed and binging, then I must do it. I will keep that stuff private.
I tell you, one thing I am so thankful for is the people that read and comment on my blog. If it wasn't for you, I would not have recovered so quickly from my recent emotional roller coaster.
Aside from the irrational thoughts, there are other items that affect me emotionally:
- My body has to do more work to make it through the day versus a skinny person, thus I get tired earlier in the day than most folks. Also, sometimes for no reason I'll get tired. I know sometimes it can be a spike in blood sugar, but sometimes that's not the case.
- My hormones are out of whack. My body and mind are used to very low testosterone levels from not exercising, and when I start exercising, sometimes there can be some temporary negative effects from testosterone production. The reason I know this is my doc has prescribed testostirone gel in the past, and that stuff made me incredibly angry. While taking that stuff I had uncontrollable rage while driving. I mean punching the steering wheel, yelling, honking horn, etc. I have quit taking the gel but sometimes after I've worked out, I can feel a much less form of that anger.
- There are other hormones involved in this also because after working out consecutively for a few days, weeks, etc. I can really notice a difference on days that I don't work out. I am cranky, tired, and sometimes depressed.
Finally, I want to encourage you to make better connections with folks out in blog land. It was so awesome chatting with Stages of Change. Blogs, comments, followers, emails, twitter, and facebook are nice, but sometimes it's nice to have a real interaction with someone. Face to face is the most preferred method but impossible because most folks are in other states. Phone calls are awesome, also I'm thinking about using Skype because of the video chat feature.
Stages of Change and I agreed that when we are thin enough to fly, we'll get together.
P.S. on a completely unrelated side note, will some of the writers that read this blog please help me with affect vs. effect. I have researched this before but I still have trouble with it. Thank you.
Walk Distance: 1 mile at the house
Time: 37 min
Speed: too slow
Notes: high humidity made it a tough walk this morning.
View my food diary at: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/svinson6